There I was. 1:25pm. Tuesday, May 6th, 2008. My good friend and fellow detective Jeff Woods and I went to the local movie theater to see Iron Man to be greeted by a dark, unoccupied lobby. The first thing I noticed was a letter a few feet from the door on the floor. I ignored it, thinking it was of no importance. The next thing I noticed was the empty cashier desk. After a few moments of waiting on someone to come help us, we made our way forward to the concession stand and waited on someone to notice that we were their. Then, we walked over to a room where Iron Man was showing at 1:00pm… or so we thought. (Hopefully, when you just finished that last sentence, some sort of creepy music went off in your head.) We entered the room to find it empty, with no movie. There was only some music playing. So we went across the way to the other Iron Man showing at 1:30… or so we thought. (Hopefully the creepy music repeated itself.) Same story. And so begins the investigation. Jeff and I did some snooping around. Here’s the facts.

• There was a letter on the floor dated 5-1-08 from some kind of insurance company out of Massachusetts.
• One register was open showing the most recent transaction which was an 8:00pm showing the night before.
• There was a small printer calculator that showed what looked like all the transactions processed the previous evening. This report was printed at 5:31am that very morning of 5-6-08.
• No concessions were turned on. Popcorn, slushies, candy bar was locked, and all registers were turned off.

• We encountered three persons. One gave no reason for suspicion. One came in wondering about camera footage because his tires has been slit there a few nights prior. Speculation has yet to yield results. Last person was an Army recruiter who’s badge said “Wins”. He pronounced it weird, like “weens”. However, the card he gave us has the name “Wheeler”. Speculation has yet to yield results.

This is all we got. My fellow detective and I are still working on it. It’s obvious that someone was supposed to be there. We have yet to come to a rational outcome. The big question is who goes to a movie theater at 5:30 in the morning to print out a finance report. Somebody needs to get a life. Being a fake detective is actually a lot of fun. Try it.